My Testimony ...
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not of yourselves but a gift of God, not by works lest any man should boast. Eph. 2:8-9
When I was younger my father accepted Christ into his life.. I saw the change in him.... daily. Little things ... no more yelling... would give advice and quote scripture... more patient. And although at the time I didn't understand what happened with him. I knew something in him was changed.
I grew up listening to his stories... listening to his scriptures, advice... but I continued to live for myself. I never really thought much about faith...
In June of 2003, 6 weeks before I was to get married I was talking to my dad on the phone...He ended the conversation by saying... Kate you just need to hand it all over to him. You see he wants the small things too... he wants to be in every part of your life daily. You just need to ask him in.
That was the first time i thought hmmm ...
In 2004 my husband and I moved to Iowa from Charlotte,NC.
We met and had lived down south for about 6 years prior to deciding to move closer to family again.
We had just had our first child, Sib. Needless to say he was colic.
Brian worked really long shifts. We never saw each other ... we had just moved away from all our close friends ...and what was worse is that I was beyond post part um. I was lost.... overwhelmed, I had no clue how to be a mom... and my girlfriends continued to say how they all loved it. How this should be the happiest time for me. I thought something was so wrong with me... I just did not understand how this possibly could be a great time ... I never saw my husband... my child cried all the time, I hated my body, I was so emotional, I felt so alone, like I could not be really honest with anyone because if they really knew what i thought at times they seriously would check me in ...
And one night I felt like I couldn't do it anymore... I remember feeling like a failure, like I could do nothing right, that everything was overwhelming... I just wanted to escape. I just wanted so badly for someone to just tell me it was normal, it was okay... I was down on my knees in the middle of the living room sobbing and crying out to the Lord.
And you know what... he was listening.
That was the night I gave my life to Christ. That was the night my story begins...
After that night something in me changed... I felt an ease.. I felt a lifted weight... I began to realize ... I began to understand that it is not about church on Sunday... it is not about doctrine and rules... it is not about being good enough... it is about having a relationship... a personal relationship with Christ. It is about giving him the control. And realizing that I am not enough. Only by acknowledging what he did for me on that cross ... that his wounds have paid my ransom.... will i live the life that was intended for me and have the promise of eternal life.
You see looking back ... all those moments when I thought I was alone... all those moments when I was depressed and overwhelmed... I know now that he was standing there the whole time. He was standing there with his arms wide open waiting for me to turn to HIM. Waiting for me to run to him.... and instead I walked by, instead I would call my sister and vent... Instead I would feel sorry for myself... You see, all he wants is for us to turn to him. All he wants is for us to put our trust in him. All he wants is for us to put Him in the center of our lives and not somewhere where we store it away and pull it out when we need it. He wants us to walk with him daily...All he wants is for us to truly BELIEVE in HIM.
He wants us to know that we will never be good enough... we will never be who we were intended to be without his love. Without accepting him into our hearts into our lives. So many people... I was included... think oh I can handle it... I can work through this... but no matter what quick fix you find... it will never fill that void. He is the answer.
And he has the most perfect plan for everyone...
You see... i don't know what his plans are for you... but in spite of not knowing I TRUST!
I TRUST that he is at work... I trust that there is reason. prior to me accepting Christ there were days when I thought of myself as not worthy... not enough...but Jesus has made me look beyond myself.
He has shown me what my walk is all about.
it is about choices....
Everyday we are faced with a choice...
You either accept or deny
You talk the talk or you begin to walk the walk
You stand firm or you cave in
You stand up or you remain seated
You step forward or you keep your feet planted
You allow yourself to slowly change or you fight it
You make a choice daily on how you face your day... you face God... you face others... you face yourself...
What choice will you make....
It is easy to speak the words that others are craving to hear.... but not so easy to to put those words into action
Often that means you would have to actually put your own self aside... your own worries... your own problems will no longer be center stage
and that for some is hard...
But perhaps I have been called... I have been chosen.... I have been the one selected to carry this... I am the one who now needs to put that choice on other peoples heart... through my words... through my stories... through my own raw emotions ... others will be convicted to wake up and realize that they too... HAVE A CHOICE.
So today ... you have a choice...
You can either continue to walk by him... or you can turn to him
You can hand it all over to him.... or continue to do it on your own
you can go down in the pit... or rise above
You can allow someone to make you feel unworthy.... or you can demand respect
You are faced with a choice... everyday. YOU CHOOSE how your life is lived.
You are worthy... you are a gift... you have no idea the plans he has for you... but all you have to do is TRUST and Turn to HIM!